Contrary to what he may have told you, J. David Schronce is not a Nobel Prize winner. Although we are pleased to announce that he is completely secure in his retirement since he was recently named a finalist in the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.

David was born as a baby in a small town behind the wall in western North Carolina in June of 1951, so how he can claim to be 39 years old is anybody's guess. The first several weeks of his life were largely uneventful, with most of his limited attention directed towards eating, a habit that he still practices to this day. At just three years of age, the boy developed an unhealthy interest in baboons. This would go on to play an important role in his life. Just before his fourth birthday his parents and siblings moved to Sanford, NC. Not to be undone by their trickery, he sneaked into the car and accompanied them. Although the remainder of his early records are sealed by court order, we can tell you that he had a "typical childhood" with his "parents". Later he attended, and was often asked to leave, several major colleges and universities in numerous states, finally earning a Masters Degree in Technical Theatre and Doctorates in both Psychology and Parapsychology.

In 1974 he entered the record books as the first man to break all Ten Commandments in all fifty states in fifty days. Although the June 2-3 Missouri/Kansas cross border murder/idolatry spree casts a pall over the record, David remains proud of his accomplishment. David was also involved in many, various contacts with alien cultures during his travels to the Aztec temples in Central Mexico. He considers these to be of great importance as this seemed to be a factor in his being a large repository of Alpha Centauri IV (known locally as Pligbodop) language and culture.

After many years working for small companies, David went on to found and destroy a number of businesses of his own. nbsp; Since he is no longer allowed to play with weapons of mass destruction, he makes his living as a Senior Systems Consultant for Lawson Software.

He is married with 2 sons. He can't explain how any of this happened.

David often acts in local plays and speaks in public, unless prevented by a restraining order, and relates a much more interesting story of his life when he does so because, well, frankly, he lies a lot.